May I have a word on… the intriguing profession of cryptozoology | Jonathan bouquet


I well remember my school guidance counselor shaking his head and saying that I was only fit for the armed forces or the police, which belittles these noble professions a bit. Too bad he didn’t show more imagination and suggested that I become a cryptozoologist, a vocation I only encountered last week. Dr Darren Naish, an expert in cryptozoology, boldly asserted that smartphones killed the Loch Ness monster.

Such is the ubiquity of these camera-compatible gadgets that the creature would have already been photographed if it had existed. “You’d think there would be better photos now, but the ones we have are low-res blobs.”

In fact, Nessie doesn’t exist, never existed and was clearly just wheezing to attract tourists, so as good as your phone’s camera is, there would never be any snaps. . Yet, as cryptozoologists also question the existence of Bigfoot, the chupacabra (a South American blood-sucking creature of legend) and Mokele-mbembe (Congo’s response to Nessie) It might not be such a smart career path.

Fast forward. I don’t like anything better than a good headline, like I said before, and here’s a bigger headline: “It’s time to reinvent the marketing funnel. This was followed by an equally intriguing cross: ‘How the marketing funnel fails B2B brands.’ Good stuff I’m sure you’ll agree, but a little opaque. Thank goodness Google. L The marketing funnel is “a consumer-centric marketing model that illustrates the customer’s theoretical journey to purchasing a product or service.”

Ah, if only my guidance counselor had suggested that I get into marketing. I’m sure I could have produced such a nuclear force bite and made squillions.

Jonathan Bouquet is a columnist for the Observer

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