The Loch Ness Monster video: “The best pictures in decades!” Or another newspaper? | life and style

Name: The Loch Ness monster.

Known affectionately as: Nessie.

Age: The earliest account of a monster in the Loch Ness region appears in Columba’s Life of Saint Adomnán of Iona, written in the 6th century AD. This would give the monster at least 1,500 years old.

Unless the current one, assuming one exists, is one descending of Adomnan. This would presumably mean that there are more than one at any given time, for breeding purposes.

And since the sixth century of our era? Things quieted down a bit on the loch until the early 1870s when a Dr Mackenzie saw a log-shaped object “wiggling and coming up the water”. This was followed by sightings of “a big animal with stubby legs”, a “fish resembling a whale” and a “most extraordinary animal form” crossing the road. By the 1930s, the legend of Nessie was world famous, with tales, sightings and photos appearing sporadically ever since.

Any proof? Scientists remain skeptical, attributing the sightings to wishful thinking, hoaxes and genuine newspapers. An ecology professor has suggested images of a ‘tentacled, alien’ creature could be a whale’s penis during mating season.

So just a big dick pic, basically. He definitely doesn’t have the same romance. Yet it hasn’t put off enthusiasts, cryptozoologists and souvenir shops.

I guess there was a recent sighting. Yes. A new video and photos taken by a married couple from their holiday home overlooking the loch. They want to remain anonymous, but she said, “It was something big… He was propelling himself with something. You can see it much more clearly than it came out in the photos. Bumps or bumps or whatever disappeared underwater, but they still pushed forward underwater.

It sure looks like Nessie. What size? Between six and nine meters (20 feet to 30 feet) long, they calculate.

Any experts looked at it? Gary Campbell called it a believable sighting, the best footage he’s seen in decades.

And It is? Keeper of the Official Loch Ness Monster Register. It has been recording sightings for 26 years.

Or observation logs for 26 years. Stop that. He said: “In terms of video evidence, there have been two or three very good videos in the past, but this one is definitely among the best.”

It looks great; I need to see this video … Oh! Is that right?! This little V wake in the water? Well, she said it was better in real life, remember?

I’m thinking of a pair of little waterfowl. Maybe that’s why they wanted to remain anonymous.

Say: It’s a picture of a duck.

Do not tell : I preferred the photo of the dick.

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